How Many Heartbreaks Have You Had?

How many heartbreaks have you had?? Yes I said it! As painful and disappointing as they are, heartbreaks should actually make you a stronger, wiser and better person. 

It prepares you for the challenges you'll face in your next relationship. There's no point cursing the person who broke your heart or plotting  revenge or worse thinking about taking your life because irrespective of the pain you may be going through, life goes on....that person is going to move on to someone else while you remain bitter and shut prospective relationships out of your life....At who's expense na? 

Most times when we are going through the hurt, it seems like it's never going to go away, you are so depressed you stay in bed and cry all day or you mope around at work waiting for the day to end so you can run home and crawl under your sheets and mourn the loss of the love of your life, some don't even go to work while they are hurting while some take to excessive drinking...all on top man or woman matter. It's ok to grieve for a while but don't leave it too long. 

Truth is no matter how deeply you are hurting, no matter how long you've been hurting, it won't last forever. But you need to help yourself find closure. For me talking about it with friends helped- friends that have sense oh!....not the ones that'll be telling you to go and beg him or her. They could tell you that love is long suffering, love is not proud etc......story! Don't let a person treat you like trash because they feel you are so into them. The feeling must be mutual, if you are miserable because they are not in your life any more it should be vice versa. If it's not, toughen up and move on. In reality no matter how often you talk to people about it- even a therapist, you are not going to get over it until YOU really decide to. 

Heartbreaks only hurt as much as you allow them to.I got over my heartbreaks by finding hobbies that challenge me- very good distraction. One heartbreak got me to perfect my driving skills- I challenged myself and drove through Ikorodu road and 3rd mainland bridge alone....it felt so liberating :). Another time I wrote a very detailed letter of how much my ex hurt me, it was fully loaded, once I started writing I couldn't stop until after six pages. I read it twice and deleted it. It wasn't for him, it was for me- it helped me get it all out and finally get closure. It also helps to cut off all ties with that person.

I know how painful they are, trust me I've been there a couples of times....they are not fun at all But I realized I had to shake it off and move on. If someone can walk out of my life without looking back or giving it a second thought, then we were not meant to be. Their role in my life is over. I'm  firm believer in the fact that everything happens for a reason. It may not seem that way when you are hurting but if you search deep, there was a lesson to be learned from every heart break. I don't believe people walk in and out of my life just for the sake of it, there has to be a reason why God brought them my way. You know sometimes its Karma. Yep, a heartbreak could just be payback for the way you treated someone in the past....again, I know 'cause I've been there.

Beware of rebound relationships though. It'll be unfair to use someone to get over the hurt of your previous relationship only to then realise you are not that into them....you may just be calling on Karma again. Don't rush into another relationship out of fear of being alone. After a heartbreak, especially a major one, you actually need some time away from relationships to re-asses yourself, what went wrong and also figure out what lessons you have learned so you don't make the same mistakes again (there's no guarantee you won't though- love can be so stupid sometimes).

There's also no limit to the number of heartbreaks one should have, so there's no need to feeling like a weakling or like the most gullible and naive person on earth....YOU ARE ONLY HUMAN. Don't be deceived by what some people may tell you- "lai lai, no man can fool me twice, "one heart break is enough in a life time"....pffttttt...there are no rules to it, truth is you can never be too careful. I understand the need some people feel to guard their heart from hurt but at some point you are going to have to open up and let someone in. Except of course you want to be alone for the rest of your life. There are still good women and men out there and true love is too beautiful a thing to deny yourself. Life is all about taking chances and backing them up with loads of prayers.

Sometimes you have to kiss a couple of frogs before you find the ONE. Isn't that what makes finding true love so special? Maybe if you don't go through so much hurt and pain before meeting the ONE, you would not appreciate and love them as much. This is why I often refer to my husband as 'my answer to many prayers'.

And if you have never had your heartbroken I'll say good for you. At 17, my English teacher told me that I couldn't go through life without having my heart broken at least twice...huh? I said 'Tufiakwa' (God forbid) and he was like "omo ibo, a ya e lenu" (igbo girl, it'll shock you). When I had my first heartbreak few years after that, I remembered his words though it didn't make getting over it easier.

If you feel you've had one too many heartbreaks and you are on the verge of giving up on love.....not just yet, 'cause that's why this blog is here- To help set you straight. Drop me an email let's talk.